Abigail Fredrickson

Tigress

I had kept my promise and woken Rowan up halfway through the night.  It took me a while to actually enter some kind of state that could be considered sleeping though.  And now I’m lying on the ground, eyes closed and mind asleep, but at the same time all my senses are dialed up to about twenty.  So when I sense someone starting to bend over me, before they can even take a breath (and before I can wake my mind up enough to use common sense), I’ve shot up, punched them in the face, tackled them, and pinned them to the ground all before either of us properly register what’s happening.

Dumb instincts.

Well, maybe not dumb since they’ve saved my life several times, but they just put me in a very awkward situation.

Rowan stares up at me with an immensely confused, bewildered, dazed, and startled expression that would actually be quite amusing if I wasn’t so embarrassed.

I quickly spring back, “Oh dried cactus fruit, my apologies, I did not intend to do that.”

He snaps out of his daze and sits up, rubbing his cheek where I can already see a bruise forming, “It’s…fine.  Now I know that if I’m going to wake you up, it’s wiser to do at a distance…”

“I suppose so…” I agree, standing stiffly.  “Ah…we should go.”  I quickly pick up the knapsack and sling it over my shoulder before starting off at a quick pace, wanting to leave that incident behind me.  Rowan jumps to his feet and follows.

After a second, he awkwardly asks, “So…are we gonna have whatever food is in there, or are we going to not eat today?”

I resist the urge to punch the tree I’m passing, “Right.  I forgot.”  I take off the knapsack and grab a random piece of dried mango, then give Rowan the sack and keep walking.  That’s it, I am never sleeping again, it just makes me disoriented…  Then again, I was dumb enough to tell him about myself last night, so maybe it’s not just the sleep.  I should really be more careful…

“You heading back to your town soon?” I ask, hoping desperately for a ‘yes’. “Your concussion should be mostly healed at this point if that knock I gave you didn’t bring it back.”

“Don’t think it did, but I do have a bruise,” he comments lightly.  “I think I’ll go with you to Kazoku first.  It’s on the way anyway.”  Cactus water.

“Ah…” I reply slowly.  “Right.  Of course.”

“What’s your family like?” Rowan looks at me curiously.  Here we go again…

“It’s been too long fo-” I try to make an excuse, but Rowan interrupts.

“Oh come on, you can still remember them, I know you know.”  Cactus.  Water.

“I really don’t-“

“You do.”

“No, I-“

“If you tell me about your family, I’ll tell you about mine,” he tries.

“What if I don’t want to know about your family?” I question, beginning to grow irritated.

He shrugs, “I’ll still talk about them.”

“Please don’t,” I realize I’m being rude, but I’m annoyed at about everything right now, and if it’ll get him to stop, then I’ll keep doing it.

“We’re off topic, what’s your family like?”

“I…Why are you asking me so many questions?” I burst out, sending him my best ‘I just want you to leave me alone, and you’d better if you don’t want another bruise’ glare.

“Because I want to get to know you,” he explains casually, giving me an odd expression.  As if those words didn’t just figuratively knock me off my feet.  I’m not sure what it was I thought he wanted, probably information he could use against me, but…that is definitely not what I’d expected.

“You want to-  Why would you…” I falter, then shake my head and turn, only just realizing we’d stopped walking.  “Let’s keep moving.”

“Tigress, I want to get to know you because I want to be friends,” Rowan says softly, keeping next to me.  “I don’t want anything from you.”

I nearly misstep, “Why would you want to be friends with me?”

“If I need a reason, it’s because I care.”

“And why would you care about me?” I shoot back.

“Because you cared enough to not kill me, and then to save my life.  And because I just…care.  I care about a lot of things, and at the moment, you’re one of them.”  Rowan shrugs, looking ahead.

“That-  I-  That wasn’t caring,” I protest vehemently even as my treacherous, dumb, object of a brain says the opposite, “Anyone would do that.”

“Not anyone.”  And I can’t answer that, because I can’t deny that he’s right.

I stay silent for a while, an internal debate raging inside of me that I’m only subconsciously aware of.  I’m a bit too distracted to pay attention to it.  But I find out which side won and what it was over when I find myself saying, “My father was really strict, but he wasn’t ever unkind.  He pushed me to never give up until I’ve achieved my goals.  He taught me that family comes first.  So did my mom.  But she was a bit less strict.  She wasn’t afraid to show that she loved us.  She was probably the most understanding person I know.”  I swallow thickly, “I…miss them.”

Rowan smiles at me.  I quickly quench mine and look away.

“I have a little sister,” he starts.  “She’s the sweetest little thing you could ever meet.  She always carries the same doll around with her everywhere she goes, and she’s been doing it since she was three.  It’s adorable to watch her playing with it.”

I imagine a little girl similar to Rowan in appearance running around with a doll.  It’s only imagination, and it already looks as adorable as he says.  But no way am I saying that aloud.

“She sounds nice,” I do allow myself to say.

“She really is,” the blond picks a leaf from a low branch as we pass it and twirls the stem between his fingers, making it spin, “She means the world to me and my parents.”

“Well, you’ll see her again soon, right?” I glance at him sideways.

“Yeah…” his eyes brighten with anticipation, “I will.”

=

As the sun starts to sink toward the western horizon and I see Kazoku ahead of us, I can’t keep my heart from giving a leap of pure joy.  Rowan muffles a laugh at my expression, but this time I don’t care.  I’ve been away from my family for years and I’m only half an hour away from seeing them.  Less if I run.

And run I do, breaking into my fastest sprint and weaving through the trees as I head home.  I pause when I leave the tree line a short distance from the small town’s beginning.

Something wet stings my eyes when I see that, despite how long it’s been, nothing seems to have changed.  Everything looks exactly like it did eleven years ago.

Faintly aware of Rowan jogging up behind me, I start forward again, heading down the street and to the left, then the right and straight toward the house that I used to call, and still do call, home.  The small house is also unaltered by time, but there is a single difference I spot.  A toy lying in the yard, a little bird.

I go up to the door and knock, consciously restraining my strength.

A woman opens it, her thick reddish hair pulled back in a loose bun, soft brown eyes staring at me in surprise.  I recognize my mother immediately.

Her brow furrows slightly, “Who are you…?”

“Mother, it’s me, Sheranee,” I burst out.  “I’m back, I’m home.”

Her eyes suddenly darken, and she steps back, “What are you talking about?”

What?  “Sheranee,” I reply breathlessly, something in my chest beginning to tighten, “I’m your daughter, remember?  The samurai took me when I was six and-“

My mother stiffens, “Samurai?  My dau-?  Look, I don’t know who you are, what you’re doing here, or why you think you’re my daughter, but I’ve only ever had one daughter and she’s right here.”  I look down to see a young girl clinging to my mother’s skirt, staring at me with eyes just a shade darker than my mother’s, and the same black hair as my father.

“No, you have another daughter, me!” I inhale, trying to push back the fear that suddenly seems to be pressing down on me from every side, suffocating me.  “Sheranee!  Please remember, mother, please.”

“I can assure you that no one by the name of Sheranee has ever lived in this town,” she replies coldly, “You can ask anyone you like, but I have never once had a daughter named Sheranee who was taken by samurai.  Good day.”  She closes the door in my face, making me stumble back.  No, no this cannot be happening.

I turn and run, completely ignoring Rowan when I push past him.  I run to my grandparents’ and knock on the door frantically.

Mi abuelo opens it, his hair white now instead of gray, “Alright, alright, no need to bang on the door like it’s the bane of your life, what do you want?”

“Do you remember your granddaughter, tu nieta?” I ask breathlessly.  Please say yes, please say yes, please please please say yes.

“Of course I do, adorable little tyke, loves birds and’ll prattle on about them all day if ya let her,” he chuckles.

I shake my head, “N-no, the other one, Sheranee.  You called her a feisty ball of fire once.”  Please remember, Pa.

His brow furrows, “What?  I only ever had una nieta.”

I shake my head, stepping back, No…please no…there’s gotta…gotta be someone who remembers me-

I whirl and run blindly through the town’s streets until I crash into someone’s back.  I quickly stumble back, apologies tumbling past my lips until the boy turns around with a frown, and I recognize the long red hair and sharp eyes.  My childhood best friend.

“Feng!” I grip his shoulders desperately, “Tell me you know who I am!”

“What’re you-  Who-” he suddenly freezes, eyes wide, but fear is flickering like a torch behind them as he shoves me away.  “You’re-you’re her.  Tigress.”

“Yes, but-“

“Get away from here!” he yells suddenly, fury and terror mixing together in his voice.  “You don’t belong here.  You killed mi hermano!  You’re a monster!”

I take a small step back, the words piercing my chest like a dagger, knocking the wind from my lungs, “I’m no-not…I’m-”  I fight back the memory of wet, sticky, red hands, hot sun beating against my head and arms, a face that was too familiar but too unfamiliar at the same time pressed into the ground, eyes glazed over and frozen.  The blood in my veins burns hot as I straighten, clenching my fists and roaring, “I’M NOT A MONSTER!”

Feng flinches, a few people pause and stare.  Then the panic begins to set in.  My vision blurs, eyes stinging.  I weakly turn and run away, out of the town, blood rushing in my ears, the only other sounds I can hear being the thump of my heart and the pounding of my feet.